Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
