he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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