When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
