I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
