What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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