Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
