I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
