respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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