I'm laying in your front yard are you home
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
