Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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