last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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