Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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