bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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