i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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