R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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