The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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