haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
