so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
