Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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