She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
