I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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