and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
