Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
