Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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