laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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