i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
