woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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