My hand turned me down
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
