Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
