How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
