Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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