I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
