hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
