Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
