I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
