i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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