he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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