If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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