I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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