he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
