Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
be right there i have to get my cape
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
