got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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