Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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