girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
