If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
