i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
