You can't motorboat a personality
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Green mimosas i think yes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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