Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
