Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
