My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
