i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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