I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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