at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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