I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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