I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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